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Am I A Writer Or Just A Fraud?
What defines success?
Every few weeks my writing on here putters out. I lose the ability to sit at my laptop anywhere and produce anything. I don’t know if I can call it writers block. I am unsure if it is avoidance of writing. Maybe it is me giving in to the tiny voice in the back of my head that I am not good enough, or that it isn’t worth my time as I am barely making pennies on Medium regardless of how much I write.
In reality I think it is something else. I think it is sheer emotional exhaustion, and even self care. If you read my pieces regularly you know I have a chronically ill kiddo. My inability or ability to write seems to be closely tied to how she is. When we’ve been at the hospital non stop, I just can’t do it. I look at the computer with dread. I try, and everything feels wrong and not worthy of making it on to paper. When she is doing well, I churn out 5–7 pieces a week.
I know to be a “good” or “successful” writer you are supposed sit down and create daily. I try, then I feel inadequate that I can’t and go back to feeling like a fraud, and like I should not call myself a writer.
Am I really less of a writer when I can’t force myself to write? Am I really less of a writer because some days I do not have the emotional energy to pour out? Am I really not a writer because I horde pieces that I feel are…
