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Parents Are Weird
Realizing your parent fundamentally dislikes you as a person rocks your world no matter the age.
I first knew my mother did not like me when I was 14 and came out to her. She told me it was a phase and it was not permitted in her house and if I couldn’t straighten up (no pun intended) I needed to get out. Then she shut the door on that conversation.
I was 14, scared and lived in a rural enough area with nowhere to really go. So I shut up and sat down.
I played by her rules, and in her game for my entire life. I mean she saved me, she took me in after my biological parents gave me up. She did me this huge favor, so I needed to be grateful and do what I was told.
Looking back I think that is a generational thing and a personality thing. My mother was born in the 40’s. She was raised where women were seen and not heard. She was in high school and college during the 60’s, but never spoke up about the injustices she saw, out of fear, out of obiedence.
What she saw in me, starting as young as 12, was the polar opposite of herself. She wanted to get by, and not be seen. She wanted to conform to the expectations of those around her, regardless of the cost. I don’t know if she really cared, or if she didn’t. She never took action, unless forced, for her entire life.
