Member-only story
The Day The Toaster Attacked
I toast Bread not deliver books
My toaster usually delivers us new books. It doesn’t often toast, but every time there is a new book release it somehow manages to pop that up.
Maybe that is why it is disgruntled today, maybe it longs to be used for its intended purpose. Either way, the wake left in it’s behind is immense.
I woke up this morning and went to check the toaster for a new book, but instead was met to it hopping on the counter flinging burnt toast at me. As I ran away I heard the clanking of silverware, I was afraid to look back. I ran out the door leaving it open behind me and hid in the enclosed patio.
The toaster was hopping along jingling and launching forks and knives at the local birds and stray cats, killing them on impact. The toaster launched a knife at the man mowing the lawn, who looked around bewildered and bleeding.
The damage of the toaster ended there, as the lawn man ran after it with his weed wacker, the toaster continued to launch silverware. That is until it ran out, where it stopped and seem to survey the damage of dead birds and cats. It seemed satisfied with it’s revenge, and turned to face the lawn man, and accept its punishment.
The lawn man picked up the toaster, and unceremoniously threw it into the dumpster, and watched and waited for the trash to come and crush it. All the while, I was left wondering how my new books would come, and if I should toast actual bread in my toasters occasionally too.
